Blogging Smoke...Marijuana that is.

So apparently the learning and stretching is never finished. Anytime I think God has taught me the skills I need it seems He likes to shake things up to show me how much more I need to learn and just how dependent I am on him.
Right now God has me homeschooling 4 children. 1 is a 3 year old, 1 is a "picture thinker", 1 is way smarter than me, and 1 is a...TEENAGER!
This sweet teenager is not my daughter, but she is a wonderful girl full of potential and talent. There is only one problem. I don't know if SHE believes that. Otherwise why oh why would she so desperately want things that are only going to hinder her, hurt her, and scar her. Why do some teenagers (and even adults) do what is mentioned in the Bible as a "dog returning to it's own vomit". Like a Hobbit wanting it's second breakfasts, but the meal is so unappetizing...try telling that to a dog. The thing is most the things dog eat aren't that appetizing to begin with so vomit seems like a viable snack. After all will their owners feed them again if they don't eat it or will they have to suffer with an empty stomach?
Could this be one of the things that makes sin so enticing to us? Maybe at times we really think that it's the best we can get and that with out it we will be kept wanting. God help us have faith in your promises and especially in the promise of heaven so that would not greedily lap up vomit instead of waiting for the wedding feast. It makes me sad to think how often young girls (and boys) give them self away and put themselves in dangerous situations because those things represent love, maturity, and control to them. I used to be that girl. I will regret it forever.
My prayer is that God will help me teach this teen about His love and promises. That her standards would get higher and higher and that she would have a fulfilling life without regret. Any ideas on how to do this?

So much BLOGGER than me!! PART 4

Okay as for what I learned thru a dark time of rejection and false accusations...

Number 1 was TO LISTEN. (To God, my husband, and those trusted friends God has placed in my life.)

2. Psalm 19:14

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

I was being (somewhat) careful with the things I was saying, but the things I were thinking were not healthy! I was dwelling on hurts, closed doors, rejections, fears and being consumed by them. I did see that somehow my thoughts and emotions were not adding up with my reality, but until I reread that verse I could not figure out why. Instead of focusing on who God says He is and all the many blessings in my life I just kept focusing on the few things that were going wrong.

3. Perfection doesn't change anything.
After the church closed I decided deep down inside that I would just be perfect so that nobody would ever dislike me again. You can imagine how well that went! Not only am I completely perfect at being imperfect, but no matter what you do you cannot please everyone all the time. Some people will dislike for serving too much, some people will dislike you for not serving where they think you should serve. Some people will even dislike you because your hair is the wrong color or you are the wrong race. I cannot control if people "like" me. Also it becomes a dangerous trap because you cannot please people and please God at the same time. I have to focus on obedience and let the chips fall!

4. Finally the verse that broke me out of my pity party and gave me a ton of perspective...

"Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."
Matthew 11:6

My Pastor spoke an amazing message on this and Matthew 11:6 just JUMPED out at me. Jesus spoke these words in an answer to John the Baptist who was in prison and going to be beheaded. John the Baptist asked if Jesus truly was the Messiah. Maybe he had his doubts because his situation looked so bad.
I realized that I was allowing my circumstances to cause me to stumble. Somehow I had bought into the lie that every problem in my life could be fixed if I was "good enough" for God to bless me. When all these trials came on the heels of a season when I had worked really hard to bless God and others I was confused and really started to buy into the condemnation that I would never be "good" enough and that maybe God had forgotten me or just wasn't all that fond of me.
This verse is a good reminder that when we face trials to rejoice. We are in good company. God's chosen in the Bible went through testings of thier faith time and time again.

So I coming through on the other side. Trusting my Jesus, asking him to help me trust people after some of the things that have happened. I am excited to see all I have learned when I truly get to the other side of this season. :)

So much BLOGGER than me!! PART 3

Okay...sorry my ADD has gotten the best of me! Here is Part 3 as promised.

So as I said it has been a rough Summer. I really felt misunderstood, I felt rejected. I also have been dealing with a diagnosis of dyslexia in my 7 year old son. It is actually a huge relief for both of us to know what is happening because now we can tailor all lessons to his needs. But, it did take a few weeks for me to just digest it all and prep myself to teach him.

A few things have been made very clear to me as I have gone through all of this.

1. I need to just listen.

God has been speaking very clearly to me as everything started to unwind. First he used my husband who continually kept saying that God was calling me to slow down. I just reasoned that God was calling him to slow down and he needed to butt out. (Oops, did I just say that???) In reality he had a perspective that I didn't. He had been praying for me and felt something and I didn't listen.

I also have refused to really listen to what God has been saying to me. When I didn't slow down the doors started closing and instead of trusting I took it personally. Yet God knows what is going to happen. He said "No" to a few things, like a missions trip I had been wanting to go on because He knew that I was going to be asked to go back to NY twice this Summer. The NY trips were such a bright spot during this time because GOd used me in my giftings, used me to encourage some great friends, and used my great friends to ENCOURAGE me. These trips were refreshing, convicting and just what I needed.

He also knew that I was going to find about the dyslexia and homeschool a teenager and that it would be a lot more draining and I wouldn't be able to keep the same pace...I took it as rejection, but really it was PROTECTION!

Number 2 and 3 tomorrow!

So much BLOGGER than me!! PART 2

Okay, so where was I? Ah yes, going on and on about how much this Summer well...sucked. What? It did! ;) But, I have been a Christian long enough to know that it is often the really difficult seasons of life that end up being the most cherished. Take childbirth for example. ( I know that's kind of cliche...) Definitely not something I would willingly revisit for anything OTHER than an adorable baby.
I remember vividly one afternoon in June. It was a day that came with great expectation. I wanted that baby out. In fact I had wanted that baby out for the last 2 months of my pregnancy. I had dragged my husband all over Brooklyn every night because I had heard somewhere that walking could induce pregnancy. So we walked, and we walked, and we walked. Usually about 80 blocks every night. Walking 80 blocks in Brooklyn can get very interesting. One night I even made my husband go bowling at 11PM because I had heard that bowling worked for some other woman. Yes, it's safe to say that I had completely and totally lost my mind. An OF COURSE, the baby came 2 weeks LATE.
Okay, talk about a rabbit trail...so the day finally came. The Dr. decided to induce me an after 10 hours the time was finally drawing near. Yet, it wasn't quite what I expected. I knew it was gonna hurt, but I was prepare for the downright horrible, awkward feeling of well, (in an attempt not to get too graphic) THAT! At one point I begged the Doctor to let me take a break and go in the bathroom.
My husband followed me in and I looked at him pitifully and said "Honey, I can't do this."
He looked back at me with a look I had never seen on his face before and replied, "I KNOW! You can't!" (Poor fellow was pretty traumatized at that point.)
Anyway, all that to say childbirth is really difficult. Even my husband thought so and he didn't have to feel what I felt. Yet, my greatest treasures all came from that experience. Other things in my life that have been really hard (moving to NY at 19 alone, church planting, homeschooling, being a woman) always end up being the things that shape me into the person I truly want to be. It is very uncomfortable, but I wouldn't trade the pain now that I know what it PRODUCED.

Okay so this post totally went another direction so stay tuned for Part 3, where I will hopefully be able to stay on point and wrap it up! :)

So much BLOGGER than me!! PART 1

So I have had such an interesting Summer. It has been filled to the brim with pain, hurt, revelations, repentance, and blessings. It is one of those times where I am clearly walking in the valley and try as I might I CANNOT see what is on the other side of the mountains all around.
It all began in the Spring, usually a time of new beginnings and life, but for me God decided it was the perfect time to call me to death. He saw that I was carrying some very unhealthy things around deep inside. In fact one day I was praying and I saw a clear vision of a person who had been wounded. It was just a little scratch, or a cut that could be bound up with stitches...no, it was a deep, festering wound that ran up the entire side of someone's body.
I was shocked when I saw it because I thought "Lord, there is no way someone could live with a wound like that. Who is it? Who can I pray for?"
I heard that still, small voice whisper, "It's you."
God spent the Spring showing me some of the things I had been carrying around since childhood. One was a deep seated fear rejection, another was perfectionism. It was amazing the relief and power I felt at just being able to NAME some of the things that had plagued me. I started to get amazing revelations of God's love (something that had eluded me before because I always truly felt I had to EARN his love.) God also gave me the grace to truly forgive some of the people I felt hurt the most by and a huge burden was lifted.
Then Winter came...right in the middle of Summer. Now that I had identified my struggles it seemed that God was going to allow me to face them head on and learn to view them differently. First He dealt with "perceived rejection". You know when you feel like someone doesn't like you or want you. It was a little messy, but easier to deal with because I saw needed to adjust my thinking. My Pastor always says "believe people like you until they tell you otherwise." It was amazing how I bought into the enemies lies over very small things and could become convinced that someone didn't see my worth. I was thankful for the revelation..."Ahh, now I am ready to be used Lord. I have learned my lesson!!"
Not so fast, then I had to face REAL rejection. Ouch, this one was a lot harder! It came from all directions. Never in my life have I felt so hemmed in and misunderstood. I was surprised how I reacted. I shut down. I just wanted to hide away. Ms."Involved in everything" didn't even want to go to church. This exposed a lot of the perfectionism and how I need to be needed. Before I could even totally swallow that lesson, it went deeper.
It went past rejection, it went past the whispers of condemnation the enemy was haunting me with. Next came finding out I was slandered by someone I hold very dear. Then the phone call where I was falsely accused some horrible things. I can still hear the voice on the other end of the line calling me racist and actually using some of the things I have done solely to try to bless a family as evil.
All of sudden I understood the feeling of wanting to run, to never trust, to build up walls, of maybe even (GASP) "forsaking the assembly of the believers." (Or not going to church anymore.)


Part 2 COMING SOON. (How's that for a cliffhanger!)

Give my regards to Blogway!

2 weeks ago I got to go to NY to reprise a role I performed 6 years ago. In fact it was the very last role I played before my husband and I and our children moved to CO to church plant. It was an amazing week and it was so nice to get away. I am so blessed with my 3 kiddos and all their sweet friends that spend time with us, but I was in desperate need of some quiet. I felt like I had such a weight on my shoulders and was having a very hard time seeing clearly. God met me, challenged me, encouraged me, and blessed me greatly on the trip. I came back renewed in my passion to be a good mom and wife, and in the quiet got a lot of confirmation about things I have been praying over.
I love the quote "sometimes the godliest thing you can do is take a day off!"

blog of the impossible

Listening to this song today and believing God for big things. I praying for Joanne Heim for the Simple Wife blog and believing for her COMPLETE healing, I am lifting up Lara Logan who suffered a horrendous attack in Egypt and asking God to be her comfort, her healer, and her Saviour.

I read here a wonderful blog assembled by "Single Dad Laughing", he just asked people to share the impossibly miraculous things that have happened to them. As you read thru the list of healings, provision, and answered prayers you remember (or at least I did) that we serve the God of the impossible!

After some disappointment in the last few years I have been afraid to trust God with big things. Lately He has been stirring my heart to step out again, to trust again, to believe again. We have been praying for big things in our prayer small group, asking for miracles, and seeing them begin to happen. We have been seeing revival and open doors.

God has also been asking me to plan the future again. Not according to my resources, but planning according to what He is putting on my heart. You know it doesn't have to make sense.

Even as I hear peoples stories of disappointment. Families falling apart, pain, failure...a still small voice in my heart says, "Believe!!!" Let's believe God can do it together! He can save our family members that our lost, He can set us free from bondage, use us, provide for us, help us fight when the attacks are exhausting.

If you have been in a place of retreating from the battle. You have held up the white flag of surrender, but it's not pointed at God. You are waving it at the world and the enemy because you have felt to tired to fight and believe anymore. I am praying for you today. Let's get back in the race, let's get back in the battle. Let's believe the God of the impossible to restore, give us vision, and strength. Then, let's go!!!

But, let's not try to do it on our own. It is not our strength, but His power that will help us overcome. I am handing Him control. Every time I feel scared, every time I feel disappointed I keep visualizing a box that holds my issue inside. I hand that box back to God and say, "Only you can do it God. I trust you." I am going to believe HIM for big things and not try to do it myself.

blogging my head against a wall

Before I got married I lived in a little apartment on 46th street in Brooklyn. I lived above a family from the church I was attending, but it wasn't a great neighborhood. In this apartment I felt a little like Snow White, there were always tons of critters to keep me company. Giant brown water bugs, mice, once a squirrel even burrowed it's way in from outside. Right thru the ceiling. It just scratched and scratched and scratched until one day I walk in and a giant squirrel is staring at me, chewing on some insulation.

Well, one morning, really early, I heard banging coming from the stairway leading up to the roof. What could it be? My first thoughts, of course, were that surely it was a murderer or rapist. But the banging continued at a steady pace, so I started to believe it was a rabid beast...in the middle of Brooklyn. (Hey, your mind runs away with you when you live alone in Sunset Park.)

After about 10 minutes the steady banging finally stopped, about 10 minutes after that I finally got the courage to investigate. When I opened the door I found a heart breaking sight. A little bird had gotten trapped in the stairway that led up to the attic. Frantically trying to get out, it had banged it's little head against the door over and over again until it's tragic death. I felt terrible that I had been to afraid to open the door and rescue it.

Yesterday I was thinking about that little bird and a thought occurred to me. How often as Christians are we like that bird? We bang our head repeatedly against a door that is clearly closed and we end up a bloody, mangled mess, rather than waiting for the only one that can open it.

Revelation 3:7b

What he opens, no one can close;
and what he closes, no one can open

Unlike me, the Lord has no fear, no ulterior motives. The only reason he will not open a door is because is it NOT RIGHT. Maybe not the right timing, maybe it leads to destruction, maybe it will keep us from a better door, maybe it is someone else's door to walk through.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5&6.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

How many times am I guilty of taking my life back into my own hands. God purchased my life with the blood of His son and yet I feel like I can't trust Him with every part of my life. That blood should be a constant reminder for us that He cares and that as carefully as He made a way for us to draw near to Him, He will make a way for our dreams and desires. We can trust Him! We can lean on Him and rely on Him. When the door doesn't open it is for a reason. I need to learn to pray through the closed doors instead of frantically searching for a way out. I need to be able to fight my ADHD, Type A-ness, Control freak and just wait.

Isaiah 40:31

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

God help me. I want to soar like an eagle, not perish like the little bird so determined to open that door by itself.

make beblogging

Here is a Youth Group Room I am daydreaming I could do for my church. Click on the image to see the full room.

Amazing Grace

I witnessed a beautiful thing today. Today at church was bitter sweet. So sweet because God's presence was there encouraging us for all He had in store for 2011, yet bitter because one of our dear sisters in the Lord was having to face the horrible reality that her father had passed away only a few days ago. To compound that pain she discovered him and only got to know him for a short 4 years before his passing.

This godly woman's heart is aching yet she help to lead us all in worship this morning which I know pleased God's heart so much and we could feel God's presence all around as she lifted Him up in spite of her pain. What an amazing testimony of His grace!

I heard a story once of a woman who had lost her child. She was overwhelmed with horrible grief and just trying to make it thru another day. When she couldn't stand the pain anymore she fell to her knees and begged God for the grace He had promised in His word. When she looked up she saw a tapestry on the wall that said, "My grace IS sufficient." Not that it will be but that it is. It is already done. He is working things out that we cannot see or understand and He is with us thru it all.

This morning I couldn't help but think that as we hold onto to our faith in Him, and truly trust that He works ALL things for good, He can truly make beauty from ashes. Our pain will always have a seed of hope.

That thought was confirmed when the church began to pray over this woman who had lost her father. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little figure making their way to front of the sanctuary. It was an autistic girl from our congregation who does not like to touch anyone or to have anyone touch her. I was curious to see what would happen because never know, but she went straight over to the woman we were praying for and laid her hand on her arm. She stood there as we prayed over her to comfort her. This little girl has also experienced the loss of her father in a much different way. It was clear God had told her to go. When the prayer ended she headed back to her seat and told her mom she felt she had to do it.

It was the most beautiful thing to see. Our God speaks the language of the heart. We can hear Him thru pain, illness, loss, even autism. And though both these girl's have lost their earthly father's they will never lose their heavenly Father and His grace is sufficient.

It's a blog, it's plane, it's a lie from the ENEMY!

So I have been having a rough couple of weeks spiritually. Once the church closed I felt as though I was wandering around aimlessly. For so long EVERYTHING in my life revolved around church and for even longer than that I had felt church planting was my and my husband's calling. Although I knew it was so right for it to end (and it didn't even end badly it was just clear God was moving in another direction) I felt very empty inside. I started to see that my first love had diminished. It has been very difficult trying to get back to my first love. Truthfully I have been discouraged believing that I had made too many mistakes and that I needed to clean up some things in order to get back to the Lord.
Those feelings were confirmed when I read this verse:
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”- Jeremiah 17:9-10
Instantly I began thinking self-destructive thoughts. Like "See Marleen God knows your heart and it must be pretty bad, you need to get your heart in the right place!"
In this midst of these thoughts the Lord brought back a memory to me. I was in my early 20's and a good friend had invited me to accompany her as she spoke at a women's retreat. She asked me to come as a prayer partener and a support to her. I was so excited and honored to be invited. Well the morning of our trip I could not find my ID anywhere. I was devastated. I thought for sure that the Lord had blocked the way because I was too wicked and didn't deserve to go. I believed that I would have brought down the trip because I wasn't spiritual enough. I called my friend who was waiting for me at the airport and tearfully told her I couldn't go. Thankfully she yelled into the phone, "Get over here and we will try to work it out!!!!" (This was pre 9-11) I asked my husband to put my birth certificate in my purse and got in a car service and got to the airport. I found out I could get onboard with just a birth certificate, but when I went to get it out of my purse it wasn't there! I called my husband frantically and he said he had accidentally taken it back out. Now certainly I wasn't going to go, but my friend was very patient and we decided to take a later flight. My husband rushed my birth certificate to the airport and finally we got to California. It ended up being an amazing trip in which God used my testimony to minister into the life of many women and we saw great transformations in that weekend.
Now that story is a benchmark in my heart. It reminds me not to condemn my self to quickly because God is rich in mercy.
As I prayed over that verse today asking God to reveal the wickedness in my heart He gave me another one...
1 John 1:9 (New International Version)
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I am so thankful that I never have to get it all together in order for God to love me and use me. I am SO thankful that Jesus paved the way for me to be accepted fully by my heavenly Father. Today my prayer is "God forgive the wickedness in my heart!" He is the one who will purify me as I just confess. What a lie from our enemy when he tells us to get it together before we go to God!

Hit by a blog

The other day Micah ran out in the middle of the street. While I was busy taking pictures of him. I got the shot and looked up to see where he was and of course I freaked and ran to grab him.

I made me think about the times I have been upset because God has stopped my plans. I was going along feeling perfectly fine and then God takes my hand and leads me kicking and screaming in the other direction. I saw adventure, fun, and maybe even blessing, but God saw danger and asked me to step back to safety.

Even these last six months of living without a steady income was God pulling us back to a safe place. We were barreling down the path. Josh working full time, ministry up to our ears with church planting. We didn't realize it was a runaway train because it was all necessary. Or it least it felt like it was. When God asked us to stop and just rest in his arms for awhile it felt so scary. We rationalized it was because he was going to do something great in our ministry or call us somewhere else. (You see just like Micah we were looking for the next road to cross!) But in reality he just wanted us to hang out at home for awhile.

Now in hindsight as Josh returns to work and this season comes to an end. I see very clearly how much we needed a season of rest. The kids needed time with their dad, Josh needed to explore some things in himself, our marriage needed some TLC. You see 6 months ago we thought we were on an adventure and were content to keep plugging away, but God could see the destruction that could have come down the road.

It is so important as Christians that we listen to God's warnings. We can easily rationalize that God can "work out" a possibly dangerous situation because He is God. So we run ahead (and usually regret it.) Thankfully, His still, small voice is faithful to ask us to slow down or even stop when necessary. We can idealize things, but He is the way, the truth, and the life. He truly does know what best.

Give blogger where blogger is due..

Just a little shout out to some of the coolest people I know! The Ramirez kids (and their awesome mom!) They are the best. They love the Lord and serve in ministry without a complaint, they have such great senses of humour, and they love games like me! This is just Evan and Ceara, but big brother Dain is such a great guy too! He is in Haiti on a missions trip right now.

Christmas Blogsings

It made me feel like He was planting a seed in my kids. They know we made this choice to follow what we felt like God was calling us to do. They have had to hear us say "no" to going to restaurants, movies, or buying toys. They have watched as we got rid of cable and our cell phones. But now they will always know that God can be trusted. He may ask us to give up a few things, but He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or imagine!

Merry Christmas!
The Carroll family had some amazing surprises this Christmas. They seemed to be designed to remind us that God loves us and He cares about the specifics of our lives!
We were planning on a pretty slim Christmas this year. I had already prepped the kids that their grandparents would buy them a few presents, but Mommy and Daddy wouldn't be able to this year.
We had a plan that we would spend the night at Grandma's so that when they woke up on Christmas morning their would be something under the tree because I didn't want them to run out to nothing!
Well, God blew our minds. He humbled us and showed me not only how much He loves me, but how much He loves my kids and can provide for them too! I know that is a no brainer, but it has been my biggest struggling as we live by faith. I can handle not getting certain things, but I start to fear that my kids won't get what they need.It began with an amazing answer to prayer and a generous donation of 50 presents to our church. We were able to bless ALL of our Sunday school kids, most of which were going to have a slim Christmas themselves.
Then we got some financial donations which helped us out a lot. Josh and I took a little of that money and got some stocking stuffers for the kids. Every year we decorate stockings as a family tradition. I was happy we were able to fill them!
Here's where it got crazy!!! I was thankful for what God had done already. I felt like He had answered prayer and worked everything out so that our kids would have a great Christmas!
Well then Christmas Eve came. There was a knock at our door and when we opened it there was a family standing there with their arms full of gifts. I thought for sure they were at the wrong house. Surely they were supposed to be at one of the neighbors who were really struggling! But the gifts had my kids names on them! I asked who the gifts were from and all I was told was "Merry Christmas!" I tried again by asking "Are you from a church?" Again I was told kindly "Merry Christmas!" I was not going to get anything out of this family! :)
WHOEVER had blessed us (I stress whoever because it is still driving me crazy not knowing) had truly gone above and beyond. The gifts were so personal and encouraging! They were things my kids really wanted or really needed. They were the right sizes, the right styles. Down to the specifics it was a perfect gift. It was so encouraging reminding me yet again that God cares about the small specifics. On top all that they gave Josh and I a date night complete with baby sitting money. Gift cards, and even a basket that contained a family movie night with gift cards for pizza and movies, a blanket and a game. My daughter was in tears along with her Dad and I just knowing God had done that for her. I had a hard time accepting it knowing that their were people who needed it more than us. At one point I said "We need to give some of this away!" Jackson looked at me like I was crazy and my husband gently told me to let the kids enjoy their blessing. :)
Well we spent the rest of the day totally taken aback when ANOTHER surprise knock came. It was a sweet family from our church. They had spent the time and money to pick out some incredible presents for my kids. Again they were things my kids LOVED. It was a huge bag and the kids just started screaming "NOWAY!" Here I had prepped them for a slim Christmas and God went above and beyond.
It made me feel like He was planting a seed in my kids. They know we made this choice to follow what we felt like God was calling us to do. They have had to hear us say "no" to going to restaurants, movies, or buying toys. They have watched as we got rid of cable and our cell phones. But now they will always know that God can be trusted. He may ask us to give up a few things, but He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or imagine! And He does bless you when you are trying to do His will sometimes materially, sometimes through growth, sometimes we probably won't see or understand the blessing until we are in heaven, but He us trustworthy!

Reese's Peanut blogger cups and Juju blogs...

Here are some pics from the Hallelujah Party. Thankfully it went great. It is such a blessing to minister and hang out with all the kids and young adults that come to The Light House! We had a ton of junk food, games, a video scavenger hunt that was so fun, and another faulty pinata! I wish I would have gotten more pics, but my camera is terrible during the night time when people are running around! Gramma Joan made my kids awesome costumes. What a blessing. Jack was Luke Skywalker, Jacey was a jester, and Micah was an Ewok. Josh was a little kid, but we joked that his make up made it look like he was going for the joker! The kool-aid mustache didn't quite work out. In fact one of the kids that came to the party asked Josh what he was and when Josh told him he was going for a little kid, the kid answered "what went wrong??" Lol

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prophesy to the dry blogs...

Sooooo...this has been a very dry blog lately! Sorry about that. A friend reminded me today that I promised to update with the miracles God has been doing in our lives since we stepped out in faith.

To be honest it has been hard for me to really nail down my feelings into a post. God had us take this giant step of faith (Josh quitting his job) not just to have us trust Him for finances and grow our faith. He has had us there before, but I think we were in a desperate season. He was trying to teach us so much and there was no way it was all going to register unless everything was stripped away and we could just focus.

In this season Josh has been able to spend his days reading and praying and really get back to why we got into the ministry in the first place. The past few years God has stripped us of our preconceived notions of what a Pastor, leader, church planter, Christian, etc. was. The last few months He has opened our eyes and has been rebuilding our hearts with His vision. It has been amazing. Painful...yes, humbling...yes, exhausting...yes, worthwhile...ABSOLUTELY!

Good things are on the horizon!

I can also say that God has been providing. Donations have come in every time we have really needed them. Our three kids have been fed, our car payments paid, and most recently an unsolicited support check came and paid our mortgage for the month!!!
God is so faithful. I constantly remind myself of that when worry starts to creep up. I catch myself dwelling on Christmas and wondering how in the world we are going give our kids presents or what if we lose the car or what if...
I mean it does seem a little crazy. In this economy why would people to sacrifice to help a small church pastor! But, God has made a way. Even in our little congregation people have stepped up to bless us. One day I was thinking about how my son had outgrown his bike helmet and wishing I could buy him a new one. The next day a friend noticed my son without it on and took it upon herself to get him one without me saying anything! Someone else volunteered to pay for my daughters dance lessons if we couldn't afford them. We have some family members who have bent over backwards to help and encourage us through many different methods.
I want to use this post to say thank you to everyone who has helped us through support and prayer thru this journey. We have amazing friends, family and brothers and sisters in Christ and we love you so much!

Beer Bloggles

Have you ever heard of beer goggles? When someone drinks to much and all of a sudden they start seeing things that aren't there? They are attracted to someone they normally would walk right by. They are acting like a fool, but they feel like they are the funniest guy/girl on the planet. They are monopolizing the conversation with musings that make no sense, but they think they sound extremely intelligent?
Boy do I remember those days before I was a Christian. I had too many nights when some sort of goggles from some sort of chemical substance I shouldn't have ingested made me feel like the worst of decisions were a good idea.
Actually before I was saved it was kind of like I was wearing beer goggles all the time. I just couldn't see CLEARLY. I thought things that could hurt me and ruin my life were the things to strive for.
I still remember the day my boyfriend and I (who were living together and pretty miserable with all the fighting) visited a church. We had been wanting to go for awhile and finally one night we walked a half an hour through the streets of Brooklyn, NY in the freezing cold to this church we had heard of. We argued the whole way!
When we finally arrived we pushed open the double doors thankful to get out of the cold, but we got a whole lot more than we bargained for. That was the night I finally took my beer goggles off! That night I became a Christian. It was amazing! The next morning everything seemed brighter, even the dingy NY subways!
I have realized over the past few weeks that without even knowing it I had allowed a different sort of goggle to cloud my eyes. Religion goggles. And similar to beer goggles you don't even realize they are there until you take them off.
What are religion goggles? Well, for one things had stopped looking so bright. Nothing seemed hopeful in my life anymore. I realized I had become known for what I didn't believe in rather for what I did believe in. I was feeling a contant sense that I was never doing enough. In my own mind MY LIFE had become SO big and God had become rather small...or maybe not small but just SO far away!
Recently, God in his mercy helped me to see, the same way He patiently led me to a place where I could take off the things that blinded me the first time.
Again things seemed bright. I have a hope and a future. I am reminded what I was created for, but also I am finding comfort in the fact that I am a small piece of a giant puzzle that HE is orchestrating together. My own life and it's troubles aren't SO HUGE. I am not just a part of a small church plant I am a part of the body of Christ! I can celebrate the successes of all my brothers and sisters all over the world because we are working together to glorify His name.
So are you wearing any goggles?
Here are some signs-

• You might be wearing Christian beer goggles if you are feeling a heavy weight on your shoulders or all you can think about is your troubles and hardships.

• You might be wearing Christian beer goggles if you find it really hard to rejoice in the blessings of others or your feel jealous every time you see someone with a bigger church, better car, nicer house, more friends, more talent....etc.

• You might be wearing Christian beer goggles if you feel trapped in your life and don't feel the freedom to just be who God made you to be.

• You might be wearing Christian beer goggles if you know what you don't believe in, but you're having a really hard time finding what you do believe in.

• You might be wearing Christian beer goggles if you think are your problems are stemming from another person or a circumstance like money, resources etc.

• You might be wearing Christian beer goggles if you think a person or money or a resource is the ANSWER to your problems.

I am sure the list could go on and on. If you want comment and let me know what your Christian beer goggles have been!

yes, I am blogular...

Stolen from a friends blog...wanted to post it here so I could meditate on it.
A Prayer For the Day
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
St. Francis of Assisi

PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS! Itty-bitty blog

Today I am thankful that God cares about the small things. There so many big things in my life that are up the air. SO many, really big things. God has pretty much been silent on all of them. In my finite mind I think it is because He wants to grow my faith, to teach me trust, maybe to teach me to rejoice in my sufferings and not let my feelings dictate everything. Of course I am still in the middle of the lesson so it could be about something completely different!
This week sort of culminated in a crisis of my faith. I hadn't been in a service for awhile due to the blessing of teaching Sunday school, I got sick, and a few other natural things that were out of my control hit this week. The physical, emotional, and spiritual battles all came together in one week and I felt like I had a ginormous weight on my shoulders pushing me into despair.

To top it all off I lost my favorite necklace. I searched everywhere and could feel my temperature rising every time I looked a new place and came up empty handed. Everything became so overwhelming that I just had to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

I drove around praying and listening to worship music feeling completely defeated. I prayed about everything that has been bothering me lately and still didn't feel much of an answer from the Lord, but when I started praying about my necklace the flood gates opened. It's not just any necklace. It is a necklace that my husband bought for me last time we were living by faith. He worked a secret extra job to afford it and the necklace is a constant reminder to me that I am loved not only by my husband, but by God because at a time when all our money should have gone for PRACTICAL THINGS they both worked together to let me know I was treasured and important.
I prayed with all my heart that God would help me find my necklace. I got an image of an obscure place in my bathroom and quickly dismissed it because I believed I would never have put it there. After calming down and running some errands I came home feeling a tiny bit refreshed, but still pretty fragile in the faith area.
This morning I remembered I still hadn't found my necklace and started to feel upset all over again, but I remembered the image I got while praying and decided to check there. Sure enough THE NECKLACE was there!
This has encouraged me so much. That the God of the universe cared enough to help me find my necklace. It has reminded me of my assurance that surely if he cares enough to help me find my necklace then HE WILL NOT ABANDON ME in the other big areas I am leaning on Him.
My future, my family, my walk with Him are all secure.

Blogging hot air, but sounding pretty Godly while doing it. ;)

I hope not all of these are true, but some of them are pretty funny. My faves are in BOLD. :)

Translating Christianese
The Evangelical Press Association (EPA) website recently shared the following: Christianese is a language used in the Christian subculture and understood easily only by other practicing Christians. As Christian communicators it's important to avoid words in our writing that could be misunderstood or fail to communicate — terms that have meaning only in the Christian subculture.
As a public service, here are some common phrases used in the church, along with their English-language equivalents:


Christianese: "If it be God's will."
Translation: "I really don't think God is going to answer this one.
Christianese: "Let's have a word of prayer."
Translation: "I am going to pray for a long, long, long time."
Christianese: "That's not my spiritual gift."
Translation: "Find someone else."
Christianese: "Fellowship"
Translation: "Organized gluttony."
Christianese: "The Lord works in mysterious ways."
Translation: "I'm totally clueless."
Christianese: "Lord willing . . ."
Translation: "You may think I'll be there, but I won't."
Christianese: "I don't feel led."
Translation: "Can't make me."
Christianese: "God led me to do something else."
Translation: I slept in instead of going to church.
Christianese: "God really helped me with this test."
Translation: "I didn't study but I guessed good, so I'm giving God credit in the hope that He helps me again."
Christianese: "She has such a sweet spirit!"
Translation: "What an airhead!"
Christianese: "I have a 'check' in my spirit about him."
Translation: "I can't stand that jerk!"
Christianese: "I'll be praying for you."
Translation: "There's an outside chance I'll remember this conversation later today."
Christianese: "Prayer concerns"
Translation: "Gossip"
Christianese: "In conclusion . . . "
Translation: "I'll be done in another hour or so."
Christianese: "Let us pray"
Translation: "I'm going to pretend to talk to God now, but I'm really preaching at you."
Christianese: "You just have to put it in God's hands."
Translation: "Don't expect me to help you."
Christianese: "God wants to prosper you!"
Translation: "Give me all your money." (Author Unknown)