Oh what a day...
3 kids with stomach virus, one being a very fussy baby. (Poor guy.)
And then I did something stupid...again. Probably not the last time. Unfortunately.
I'll start at the beginning. I woke up yesterday morning and rolled over thinking my day was going to go a certain way. I was gonna do the usual Sunday morning routine. Sundays are always a mad dash of activities...feed baby, get ready, get 3 kids ready, get everything together for church and get out the door by 9 am, make sure Josh has his sermon, have a small "stress out moment", load the car, and GO!
Well, this Sunday was going to be different. I opened my eyes to see my husband already dressed for church he began to speak and everything started to move in slow motion.
"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack thhhreeeeeeeeeew uuuuuuuuuuuuup."
Oh not again...and not TODAY, was all I could think. I was already running on very little sleep for the weekend and we just got over a bout of the stomach flu. For some reason stomach flus seem to go thru our house twice every year. To top it off my husband was going out of town, so all I could think about was the horror movie my life would be if all the kids and I got it and I was ALONE.
So instead of going to church and leading worship, seeing everyone I love, and working with the kids on there Christmas number I started a different mad dash. Getting everything covered, so I could stay home with Jack.
I will fast forward past the gory details, but all the gore involved bodily fluids. All over the floor. Over and over and over again. All over clothes. Over and over again. All over a blanket. Twice.
So I started feeling a little down. No church, no husband, no break in sight.
Jack started feeling a little better. I could tell because he was begging for pizza! SO weird. We settled on toast because he was refusing jello. I put the toast in the toaster oven and went to go take care of Micah who was obviously not feeling well either.
Taking care of little Micah was too much of a distraction because all of sudden I hear Jack call
"Mom, I think my toast is ready, it is on fire!"
I run into the kitchen and sure enough the toaster oven is filled with flames. Thankfully I was able to put it out by dousing it in water and filling my house with smoke. * Note to self smoke detector is not working. Now, surprisingly almost burning the house down was NOT the stupidest thing I did yesterday!!
Anyway, around this time I started feeling sorry for myself. I started listening to all the little lies being planted in my tired, emotional brain. It quickly veered from being just this day that was bad to everything IS ALWAYS bad. That is the funny thing about feelings they can be very deceptive. You give into a pity party and all kinds of crazy thoughts (LIES) start knocking on the door! Lies love hanging out at pity party. So I had a full blown party going on. The lies were having a blast...singing all their usual songs. The popular "Nobody likes you", the one hit wonder "You are alone", "Nobody appreciates you" and "You should quit" also got a lot of play time. The lies started doing the cha cha slide which quickly became a mosh pit. So what did I do? Did I stand up and fight and kick the lies out? Nope. Did I stand on the many promises of God that tell me I am not alone and I am loved. Nope. I wish I could say I went into my prayer closet and prayed away my hurts and frustrations, but sadly no. Instead I decided to open my big mouth and tell someone how I was feeling. About them. Was this about them? Nope. Was it something God was trying to teach me and help me thru. Yep.
The interesting thing about serving God. He tells you to NEVER vindicate yourself. He promises he will always vindicate you and that we can trust Him to work out EVERYTHING for our good. I know this, yet I still revert back to fighting on my own behalf.
"So, how did fighting on your own behalf work out for you Marleen."
Just like it always does. I feel hurt. I tell the person what they did to hurt me. The words leave my mouth to be out in the universe for all eternity. I can't turn back! I feel hopeful that it may change the situation. It doesn't. I regret saying anything. Then I regret it some more. Then I wake up in the morning thinking, "What was I thinking!!" I hate Pity Party hangovers...
I have found even when what I am feeling is very real. It never pays to confront someone unless God truly leads you to do it. Another thing about God. He is usually NOT leading you to do it at the very end of long day, or when you are feeling reeeaaallly emotional, or if you haven't prayed about it. So basically all the times you would really want to do it!!
So, I am being real and writing this to hopefully save you from my mistake. At the end of a long day, when you begin to dwell on some injustice that was done to you. When you begin to carefully craft the words you can say to let someone know exactly how your feeling. STOP. Sleep on it. Things always look better in the morning.
Just keep your big blog shut.