Well, my family's life is taking dramatic swing this week. We have been on quite a journey the past few years church planting. So many ups and downs, but truly seeing as the best schooling I could of asked for. I have learned a lot about myself, the Lord, and other people though the peaks and valleys. Lately to be honest the journey has gotten harder and harder. I was starting to feel so tired. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I would catch myself in daydreams about running away and doing something "easier". Maybe sitting in a big church where I could hide and miss a Sunday. A big church where someone else could handle the complaints, the confrontation, the set up and tear down! ;) My mind never gets too far down the road in those thought patterns because ultimately I know there is no better place to be than in God's will. I also know that no matter where I go I am taking ME along for the ride, so the same lesson will still need to be learned and I will probably face a lot of the same problems!!!
I wanted to be honest about where I was spiritually the last few weeks before I share the huge life change so that it is clear what a difficult step this was. So as I said I was at the bottom. I felt like I had used up all the faith I had, trusting in the face of adversity, believing when all signs pointed in the opposite direction. Truly I felt a little hopeless. I half heartedly choked out prayers begging God to bring breakthrough and to speak.
My heavenly father did speak but, instead of bringing some sort of amazing encouraging word or miraculous sign His still small voice brought a challenge. One night as my husband prayed he felt he heard God's voice clearly asking us to go deeper. He reminded him that we belonged to Him and that we needed to surrender all. Josh felt very strongly he needed to quit his job and enter into full time ministry. All things rational would say this is a crazy idea. We don't have savings, our small church can't support us, we have THREE children. So in the midst of our brokenness and discouragement He was asking us to take the biggest step of faith in our lives!
I cried for a week. It has never been so hard for me to say yes to God's will. Not when we first got saved and he asked us both to put our love of acting and theater on the altar, not for the years we lived in NY and our salary was never enough to pay the bills, not when God called us to move to Colorado without the finances or a job, not even through church planting.
Finally God spoke peace to my heart. He reminded me of HIS faithfulness. He reminded me that when we gave up our dreams of acting that He opened the door for us to do dramas for Him and see not hundreds, but thousands saved in one weekend. He reminded me of the thousands of dollars that were miraculously provided for as we trusted him in NYC. He brought to mind the $22,000 that came the week before we loaded the truck to move to Colorado AND the three times $3,000 were shoved into my purse when Josh was out of work for over a year. He has never once failed us.
So I said yes. I told my God I would trade my dreams of comfort for His dreams of being glorified and drawing men to himself.
My husband gave his resignation this week. Two weeks until his salary ceases and we are completely dependent on God speaking to His people and doing MIRACLES!
I am happy to be in the land of miracles, the place where unless God comes through we will go under because I know my God provides for His people and is faithful to his word. My moods do shift a bit when I think of the dance lessons that need to be paid for or the mortgage or the economy or...this list could go on forever. Instead I constantly am reminding myself to focus on the God of the BIBLE, the God I serve. The one who parted the Red Sea, healed the lepers, and gave His son to die for me because He loves me so much!
So here we go another adventure with our Savior. I pray to be able to encourage you with stories of miraculous provision, growth, change, and hope in the coming days!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Step out of the blog!
The winds whipped across his face as he stared into the darkness. He could barely make out the figure on the water. Even when he squinted his hardest the faint outline of the person was marred by the waves that crashed over the distant man's head. At first he thought it was a ghost or maybe his weary eyes playing tricks on him. He strained even harder, leaning out over the water as he clinged to sides of the rocking boat. It wasn't a ghost. It was HIM. The one he had seen do so many miracles, the one with the tender eyes of love, the one that was easy to follow even when following didn't make any sense. There He was coming toward the boat as the sea raged around Him. Yet the fact that the man could stand strong while being pummeled by the strongest of waves wasn't the most amazing thing about the situation. The truly mind blowing part was that the man was WALKING ON THE WATER. As deep as the water was, as broken as the storm made the surface of the water, yet he was walking as though he was on a path found on dry ground.
Seeing his trusted friend and leader doing such an amazing feat the man got excited. Something rose up within him. He wanted to do something amazing too. He had seen the sickest of men healed in instant, he had seen a few fish and loaves feed thousands, and now gravity was being defied and supernatural strength was being displayed. He was tired of watching the impossible happen, he wanted to experience it. He desperately wanted the miraculous power to be made manifest in him.
"Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water!"
He knew that if his Lord would tell him to come that he could be trusted completely. His faithful friend had never lied.
"Come!" He heard the voice ring out from the distance. He didn't stop to think, hoisting himself up he stepped onto the edge of the boat. The rocking boat almost caused him to lose his balance and he couldn't escape the murmurings he heard from his friends watching behind him. Of course they thought he was crazy, but he wasn't going to heed their warnings. He wanted to go to his Lord. He wanted to do the impossible just as he had seen Jesus do time and time again. His heart raced as he lowered himself onto the water.
His brain tried to register exactly what was happening. Part of him expected to sink instantly just as he always had when he entered water, but instead he felt as though he had stepped on a solid rock! The water didn't give way. A smile broke out on his face as he looked up searching for the one who made miracles possible. Jesus was there a few steps away with His hand lifted, reaching out, beckoning him to come closer.
He took another step toward Jesus, but then turned back to look at the boat. He saw his friends all lined up watching in disbelief. Seeing their shocked faces he realized how crazy what he was doing was. Just then a large gust of wind blew through his hair. He went in one instant from feeling so powerful, so full of faith, to a frightened child. It was impossible to walk on water and in this storm he would surely drown if he got too far away from the boat! Panicking thoughts of sharks, and other horrible sea creatures filled his mind. He imagined them beneath him, just waiting for him to go under. He wished he had never stepped out of the boat, in his heart he suddenly didn't know if he could trust His Lord to help him. He quickly turned back searching for Jesus, but before he could see Him he began to sink.
What had he been thinking? He was a lowly fisherman. Of course he could never do the amazing things that Jesus did. Of course he would fail!
"Lord, save me!" Peter cried out chocking on the water the waves threw in his face. He could feel the sea pulling him under. He wondered if he would make it out alive.
He felt something strong grab onto his arm. It was Jesus, he had come to save him. Jesus pulled him up back onto the surface of the water. He clung to Jesus and though his heart pounded with fear, he felt like he was on the solid rock again. Too ashamed to look into his Lord's eyes, he simply let Jesus lead him back to the boat.
"You of little faith. Why did you doubt?" That was all he heard Jesus say. When he heard those words he wished desperately to the core of his being that he had trusted. That he wouldn't of looked at the cirumstances, but instead would of kept his eyes fixed on Jesus.
I write this tonight because I am facing my own stormy sea. Jesus is asking up to step out onto the water, yet it looks impossible. I am reminding myself that He is the God of the impossible...
Seeing his trusted friend and leader doing such an amazing feat the man got excited. Something rose up within him. He wanted to do something amazing too. He had seen the sickest of men healed in instant, he had seen a few fish and loaves feed thousands, and now gravity was being defied and supernatural strength was being displayed. He was tired of watching the impossible happen, he wanted to experience it. He desperately wanted the miraculous power to be made manifest in him.
"Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water!"
He knew that if his Lord would tell him to come that he could be trusted completely. His faithful friend had never lied.
"Come!" He heard the voice ring out from the distance. He didn't stop to think, hoisting himself up he stepped onto the edge of the boat. The rocking boat almost caused him to lose his balance and he couldn't escape the murmurings he heard from his friends watching behind him. Of course they thought he was crazy, but he wasn't going to heed their warnings. He wanted to go to his Lord. He wanted to do the impossible just as he had seen Jesus do time and time again. His heart raced as he lowered himself onto the water.
His brain tried to register exactly what was happening. Part of him expected to sink instantly just as he always had when he entered water, but instead he felt as though he had stepped on a solid rock! The water didn't give way. A smile broke out on his face as he looked up searching for the one who made miracles possible. Jesus was there a few steps away with His hand lifted, reaching out, beckoning him to come closer.
He took another step toward Jesus, but then turned back to look at the boat. He saw his friends all lined up watching in disbelief. Seeing their shocked faces he realized how crazy what he was doing was. Just then a large gust of wind blew through his hair. He went in one instant from feeling so powerful, so full of faith, to a frightened child. It was impossible to walk on water and in this storm he would surely drown if he got too far away from the boat! Panicking thoughts of sharks, and other horrible sea creatures filled his mind. He imagined them beneath him, just waiting for him to go under. He wished he had never stepped out of the boat, in his heart he suddenly didn't know if he could trust His Lord to help him. He quickly turned back searching for Jesus, but before he could see Him he began to sink.
What had he been thinking? He was a lowly fisherman. Of course he could never do the amazing things that Jesus did. Of course he would fail!
"Lord, save me!" Peter cried out chocking on the water the waves threw in his face. He could feel the sea pulling him under. He wondered if he would make it out alive.
He felt something strong grab onto his arm. It was Jesus, he had come to save him. Jesus pulled him up back onto the surface of the water. He clung to Jesus and though his heart pounded with fear, he felt like he was on the solid rock again. Too ashamed to look into his Lord's eyes, he simply let Jesus lead him back to the boat.
"You of little faith. Why did you doubt?" That was all he heard Jesus say. When he heard those words he wished desperately to the core of his being that he had trusted. That he wouldn't of looked at the cirumstances, but instead would of kept his eyes fixed on Jesus.
I write this tonight because I am facing my own stormy sea. Jesus is asking up to step out onto the water, yet it looks impossible. I am reminding myself that He is the God of the impossible...
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