Thursday, July 30, 2009

Mind bloggling!

Well, my family's life is taking dramatic swing this week. We have been on quite a journey the past few years church planting. So many ups and downs, but truly seeing as the best schooling I could of asked for. I have learned a lot about myself, the Lord, and other people though the peaks and valleys. Lately to be honest the journey has gotten harder and harder. I was starting to feel so tired. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I would catch myself in daydreams about running away and doing something "easier". Maybe sitting in a big church where I could hide and miss a Sunday. A big church where someone else could handle the complaints, the confrontation, the set up and tear down! ;) My mind never gets too far down the road in those thought patterns because ultimately I know there is no better place to be than in God's will. I also know that no matter where I go I am taking ME along for the ride, so the same lesson will still need to be learned and I will probably face a lot of the same problems!!!

I wanted to be honest about where I was spiritually the last few weeks before I share the huge life change so that it is clear what a difficult step this was. So as I said I was at the bottom. I felt like I had used up all the faith I had, trusting in the face of adversity, believing when all signs pointed in the opposite direction. Truly I felt a little hopeless. I half heartedly choked out prayers begging God to bring breakthrough and to speak.

My heavenly father did speak but, instead of bringing some sort of amazing encouraging word or miraculous sign His still small voice brought a challenge. One night as my husband prayed he felt he heard God's voice clearly asking us to go deeper. He reminded him that we belonged to Him and that we needed to surrender all. Josh felt very strongly he needed to quit his job and enter into full time ministry. All things rational would say this is a crazy idea. We don't have savings, our small church can't support us, we have THREE children. So in the midst of our brokenness and discouragement He was asking us to take the biggest step of faith in our lives!

I cried for a week. It has never been so hard for me to say yes to God's will. Not when we first got saved and he asked us both to put our love of acting and theater on the altar, not for the years we lived in NY and our salary was never enough to pay the bills, not when God called us to move to Colorado without the finances or a job, not even through church planting.

Finally God spoke peace to my heart. He reminded me of HIS faithfulness. He reminded me that when we gave up our dreams of acting that He opened the door for us to do dramas for Him and see not hundreds, but thousands saved in one weekend. He reminded me of the thousands of dollars that were miraculously provided for as we trusted him in NYC. He brought to mind the $22,000 that came the week before we loaded the truck to move to Colorado AND the three times $3,000 were shoved into my purse when Josh was out of work for over a year. He has never once failed us.

So I said yes. I told my God I would trade my dreams of comfort for His dreams of being glorified and drawing men to himself.

My husband gave his resignation this week. Two weeks until his salary ceases and we are completely dependent on God speaking to His people and doing MIRACLES!

I am happy to be in the land of miracles, the place where unless God comes through we will go under because I know my God provides for His people and is faithful to his word. My moods do shift a bit when I think of the dance lessons that need to be paid for or the mortgage or the economy or...this list could go on forever. Instead I constantly am reminding myself to focus on the God of the BIBLE, the God I serve. The one who parted the Red Sea, healed the lepers, and gave His son to die for me because He loves me so much!

So here we go another adventure with our Savior. I pray to be able to encourage you with stories of miraculous provision, growth, change, and hope in the coming days!


Irene said...

wow. amazing. :) good stuff. i'm rooting for you. our help comes from the lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Erika said...

What amazing faith you have. I admire your strength and willingness to not only serve but to honor your husband as he honors the Lord!

What a beautiful post, thank you, I needed that!